Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize