i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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