put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
