Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
