...so i touched it.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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