Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I enjoy the company of your penis
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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