Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
