I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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