the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
