I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I love you. Go after that dick
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
