Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
