she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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