I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
