apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
