I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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