You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
