Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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