She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She's like a pop up book from hell.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
God I need to hump something, right now.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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