No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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