she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
