I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
