There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
