Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
