margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
