Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
