i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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