i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
