Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
