Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
