it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
