sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
