Im at strip club and am horny
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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