Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
