a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I feel like abortions should bother me more
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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