I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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