I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
