I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
