okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
