Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
