I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
