dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
