Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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