First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
