So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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