The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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