fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
