You're my little dorito
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
