woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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