So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
