he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He kissed a someone with a penis
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I believe in your delicious
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
