i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
