Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
