So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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